Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize