I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
