haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
