if you like me you must not know who I am
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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