I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
