He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
