So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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