one two three fourrrrnication!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
