it hurts more in the daytime
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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