So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
