My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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