you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize