Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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