I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
