Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
