I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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