I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
