Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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