she was so not down for the gang bang
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize