Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize