I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
