I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
