he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
