hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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