sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
