yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
