oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
