Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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