Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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