i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
