Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
