help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you had me at cake vodka
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
