at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize