I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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