my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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