Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
