Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize