apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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