never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
