yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize