Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
