this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
