so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
