YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
