On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
