his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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