my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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