So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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