good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
