Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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