Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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