So drunk its hurt
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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