Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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