i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
