Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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