The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
