i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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