Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
