...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
