that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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