I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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