nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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