Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
