if i can run in heels then i can drive
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
