around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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