i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
