Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
