The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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