I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
