When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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