wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize