:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
