bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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