i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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