I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
