So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
