She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
