Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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