what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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