He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have post one night stand depression
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
