We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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