i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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