So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
