waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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