The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
