whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
