i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
