I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
