What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
