there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
cat food counts as protein by the way
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
