Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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