I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
