You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
