Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
FUCK WHALES
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
