You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
