I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
