Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize