Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Less talking, more tequila
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
