Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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