wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
