I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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