The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
