Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
