Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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