I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Someone came in the potted fern
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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