strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
