She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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