Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
