I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
