I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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