Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
