she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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