OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
